i'm a headcase if i dont keep moving... and my head hurts if i don't sit still

this song has been haunting my mind like the ghosts it's meant to portray. it's catchy. i like it, but it mostly makes me recall another song by ben cooper that i adored as a teenager. there's something about wispy vocals combined with the staccato guitar and percussion that gets me. or maybe it's the lyrics:

there’s a light bulb dangling from string
it’s slowly swaying up over my head now
as i jot down the words that’ll never be sung
and wait for my headache to numb
and the wind sounds as if the world’s sighing
and the moon’s just a torn fingernail
as the tv flickers and hums by the wall
and i wait for my eyesight to fade

so, so, so
it’s so... slow
so, so, so
it’s so... slow

and the bright-eyed choke on ambition
and the old folks circle their graves
and the young ones are busy destroying their names
and you’re still just wasting away.
i sit and watch the screen for a message
some kinda sign that says we’re ok
but the screen stays blank till i turn the thing off
and wait for my conscience to break.

so, so, so
it’s so... slow
so, so, so
it’s so... slow

i hope [i'm] learning to listen
and i hope you’re learning to stay
and i hope you find what you’re missing
and i hope that you’re making you’re way
i’m a headcase if i don’t keep moving
and my head hurts if i don’t sit still
it’s an itch that i’ll never stop scratching
it’s a hole that i’ll never quite fill

so

swim until you can't see land

i swim like a barge. maybe it's my width, density, or just my lack of coordination, but whenever i want to go somewhere in the water it costs extreme amounts of effort. i kick, pull, breathe, and sweat but my progress from the deck always looks as slow as a steamboat headed up the mississippi. that's why whenever i need to travel and get some miles behind me, i use a vehicle. a lot of times it's a bicycle, but every once and a while i venture out in a car. at the end of this summer i drove myself, three bikes, two guitars, a banjo and just about everything else i own from my parents' home in minnesota to my apartment in provo, utah. stopping to visit my sister and brother in kansas the trip totaled about 1,600 miles. bored to tears after a few hundred miles i decided to try and entertain myself (and probably endanger the lives of all the nearby drivers) by taking little video shots along the way. the video gathered dust on my hard drive until this week when i again felt the urge to do some wandering. a lot of the urge was inspired by the featured song. when all i wanted to do was swim away from shore and never look back all i could think about was getting the car and swimming on down the interstate. travel presents an opportunity for repentance. if you're willing to make the effort you can arrive at a new home with a clean slate. if you go far enough, the once jagged coast disappears and all that's left is pure flat blue.

choices

at times the choices this experience presents overwhelm me. with an infinity of options, directions, plans, theories, and decisions i can't help but be afraid of choosing the wrong one. when all i want to do is stay in bed and avoid them, they come hunt me down and, pounding on my door, demand my attention. i can't avoid choosing, but i can avoid thinking about it too much. surely if we could view every alternate path that we could take, and the infinite permutations and combinations of events our lives could become we would be overwhelmed to see that... we'll be just fine. it will all be okay. just make the next choice and worry about the one that follows later.
i can't see the future, but i don't need to. i'm just going to try and make the next thing i touch as beautiful as possible.

do you love me?

it seems that my affection for music can sometimes turn me into some kind of noncommittal social monster with an insatiable appetite. looking for the next hippest style, i bounce from website to website and venue to venue to see which band can cut the edge off my urge for flair. but strangely, burning through mp3 after mp3 often leaves me feeling like i'm completely alone in a room full of people. i'm surrounded by company, but no one to really talk to. when bands come and go so quickly it feels like there's no substance to the relationship between us. even when they're chatting your ear off, you feel lonely.
but then every once and while you connect with a band, their music, and their personalities and stay connected. maybe they're on some kind of parallel track through life that causes them to write music that lends a voice to your situation, or maybe just seeing someone do what they love regardless of what others' think helps you find happiness yourself. whatever it is, they're your friend - a friend that keeps coming back.
every release is like a second chance to sit down and get to know them again. you talk, swap stories, share what's new in your lives, and you find that you're still good friends even despite the fact that they may sound a little different. at your heart, your'e still the same, and before long you can't even remember how it feels to be alone.
for me, guster has always been that band. you'd never find them on the cover of pitchfork, but they (and i) don't care. they're pure, silly, lovable pop, but for some reason i find more depth with them than i do with most indie sensations. i can count on them. when you need it most they go ahead and randomly do something goofy just to make you laugh:



yeah, i do love you.

sigh no more

music has become a mere complement to our lives. we listen to our ipods while we do everything – walk, workout, study, but rarely while we listen. what used to fill concert halls and ballrooms is now compressed into a series of ones and zeros and only fills our hard drives. formerly it would compel folks to come from miles around and wait months in anticipation, but it now heels like a faithful but under appreciated dog to our comings and goings, tethered to us by a leash of headphones. last night we had a listening party where we listened to a complete album cover to cover. we checked our appetite for multitasking and gave music our full and undivided attention. we loosed one of man's best friends and saw where he led us as he filled the greatest of stages – our minds.

in preparation for the event, i wrote a short introduction to the album i selected to present. this is what i wrote:

tonight's album, although strongly referencing shakespeare and plato, never comes off as snobby or elitist. in fact the almost abrasive lyrics might feel a little blunt to some ears, but i wouldn't blame it on a lack of tact. i feel it stems more from an abundance of experience and honesty. indeed the gravel in marcus's voice indicates that he has smoked every anxious cigarette of heartache and love lost. he knows, because just like the rest of us, he's been stung by love. but in his own words "night has always pushed up the day," and among his sounds of woe there are bright hopes of tomorrow morning. there is faith and a hope that it will all work out in the end. through the duration of the album it is never forgotten that love, even though it can be the source intolerable pain, when it is right, it
"will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears." no,
"love it will not betray you
dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
be more like the man you were made to be"

at times i'm sure we all wish that we could forfeit the joy to avoid the pain, but this album serves as a reminder that it's worth it. and when it doesn't work out there's nothing we can do but hum a tune of heartbreak and hold on to hope. perhaps shakespeare said it best:

sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,

men were deceivers ever,

one foot in sea, and one on shore,

to one thing constant never.

then sigh not so, but let them go,

and be you blithe and bonny,

converting all your sounds of woe

into hey nonny nonny.

so ladies and gentlemen, with out much further ado about nothing, i present mumford and sons debut album, "sigh no more"

dear shadow, alive and well

this cover is incredible. the impeccable timing and precise harmony immediately indicate that klara and johanna have been singing together since birth. it's shockingly beautiful, but their young faces behind the lyrics "i'm turning myself to a demon" make me shiver.

sufjan stevens wasn't the only one

to randomly release new music today.